Here is a repost from issue 11, written by Cam.
Well, this has been long-awaited by at least one person.
I would like to dedicate this issue to Trax.
Since Trax so graciously supplied me with another teapot, the topic of this issue will be "Teapots and the 4th Dimension".
This is only my opinion, and probably shouldn't be shared by anyone else. Especially by those wishing to remain OUT of mental facilities.
Teapots, in general, are harmless. This is a truth accepted by millions upon millions of people. Through the use of special techniques taught only to the most devout followers of the Wedgy, I have been able to illuminate a previously hidden aura surrounding all teapots. The strength of the aura varies between each one, though the ones I've been able to aquire from Trax have been significantly stronger than most common ones.
Through various studies and procedures that would take up far too much space to explain here, I've seen evidence of a living "entity" at the root of each teapot. I use the term living lightly, as they don't exist in the way that we are so familiar with. As near as I can tell, their existence on our plane of being is purely accidental, as they barely seem to be aware of our daily lives.
Through my studies, I've found that using my special techniques and equipment to view these beings was a bit more of a pain than anything else, so I crafted a special set of lenses that gave special focus the spectrums these beings were best seen on. With these on, I noticed a surprising trend that I just had to check out in further depth. It appeared that these entities were placing themselves in circle patterns. This feeling was made concrete when I had the lense-type enlarged and fitted onto a telescopic camera, which I had a small private plane use to take pictures flying over the city from several different angles. There were, of course, readings still being returned outside of these circles, but there were readings containing high concentration in concentric circle patterns of these beings.
Needless to say, I was rather concerned at this point. The planet that I have chosen to live out my younger years on was, without a doubt, filled with beings that were above the normal human senses. After creating a more focused lense for my camera to use in close encounters, I noticed another disturbing trend. When the owners of the teapots were anywhere near, there was a slight tendril of spectral energy trailing into the base of the owners neck. No obvious change was noticed in the behavior of the owner, however, so I've concluded that this has been going on for quite a while. Conditioning, as is well known by many theorists, can occur in a race over a period of many, many years. Subtle changes that wouldn't even be noticed by the general populace are very common.
Calling in a few favors with SASA (Squirrel Alienz Space Association), I arranged for satellite images in the specified spectrums around the entire world. Several weeks later, I received a package. The contents contained pictures of the world, and the multitude of auras forming concise patterns. From this view, I determined that there were 4 points in the world that one might consider to be a nexus of energy. From all of these points, patterns spawned and multiplied. Realizing that if these pictures were to get into the hands of the average person, it would most likely cause panic and disruption in their precious lives, I released them. They were, of course, met with something to the effect of "Hahaha....that's funny". Thankfully I didn't release them under my real name, so the teapots still didn't know who it was that knew of their existence.
This will most likely be my last issue, as I'm going into a nexus to confront these beings of mysterious origin. If I return from this alive, I doubt that I will have any memories of what goes on there. If, by some small chance, I have the ability to write what I have learned, there will be another issue.